I remember talking on the phone with one of my girlfriends before I completely opened myself up to the spirit world.
I dabbled with a spiritual practice but was not faithful to it.
I said to her, “I feel like there is something missing. I know there is more for me to do.”
Her response was reasonable as she responded: “like what?” I couldn’t answer because I didn't know. It was a short time after that when I fell into a very dark time of my life. I was very depressed (now I know because I was repressed).
I was holding myself back from living fully.
I was holding onto energy that no longer served me.
I knew spirit was around but ignored the signs for years. There was a reason for them trying to open up my abilities. I just wasn’t listening.
I appeared on the outside to have it all. I had an amazing husband who loves me dearly, two smart and beautiful successful children. But something wasn’t right. I remember going for a ‘walk’ one night because I just felt like I was suffocating. I was frustrated with myself.
I felt misunderstood, not being heard, unimportant.
Feelings I interjected onto myself.
I left the house, it was a very cold night and I stood in the street staring at the house. For a long time, I just stood there almost frozen and thinking ‘what is wrong with me?’ I proceeded to walk to the backyard of my house (creeper) and looked through the window into the family room where my family sat going about their business. “I must be crazy,” I thought to myself.
My family was in the living room watching TV, doing homework a normal evening. I thought to myself ‘wow, they don’t even realize I’m gone.’ I felt like an outsider looking into some else’s life. Would they miss me if I was gone? Have I made a difference in their lives? I felt so sad and so alone, but why? I had everything! But did I?
I can’t remember the exact timeline but shortly after that it was a Monday morning and school was canceled for the day. I couldn’t get out of bed. I was stuck. The kids kept coming to check on me. I was so mad at myself that I couldn’t pretend anymore that I was alright. Trying to be something I wasn’t. Trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be. I was exhausted and I felt paralyzed.
I cried and cried and cried till no more tears could come out and they still managed to make their way to the surface. Something is wrong with me. I need help, I can not continue to live like this. What would the children think? What are they thinking now? I began to inflict self-guilt onto myself. Judgment. For all, I have done wrong in my life.
What a failure I am. I have served no purpose I would tell myself. I’m selfish for thinking about my self, ungrateful when I should be happy! I have everything. I should be happy.
I never really enjoyed all the beautiful gifts that were sent my way.
I didn't think I was worthy of all this goodness. That was the problem!
I kept waiting for something tragic to take place because of this feeling of unworthiness.
I was afraid to truly be happy on the inside. Out of fear! I was scared.
I finally admitted to my husband later that afternoon when he called during lunch hour (which he has done since the day we were married and still does to this very day) that something wasn’t right. I need help. He is so wonderful he called my doctor and got me in asap. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.
It wasn’t until many years later after my spiritual awakening did I realize what this experience was truly about. Everything happens for a reason they say. Many times we figure out what that reason is and many times we do not. This time I did.
After I wrote my first book and my superpowers, as I like to now call them (my husband refers to them as my spidey senses) really began to develop, there was a magical moment (one of many) when I truly understood why I had the breakdown.
I have been in touch with my connection to spirit since I can remember. I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. I grew up Catholic and speaking to spirit was really not accepted (even THO the bible says otherwise). I would see things happen before they actually happened. This made me afraid because I thought I was making it happen. I was so confused so I repressed my feelings, held onto my worries and tried to ignore what was being shown to me.
I saw it in a negative way when in turn it was supposed to be positive.
This shows you how powerful our perception in a situation can be. It can easily take you down the wrong road. We have to be mindful of our energy shift when it takes place and the perception in which we label it.
Spirit was holding my hand trying to show me my abilities to communicate with them. They were simply saying ‘look what image you have seen to understand that hat we are showing you is real.'
Now I want to hold your hand and guide you to a lifestyle change that I know will help you discover whatever it is you are looking for.
Are ready to walk through that door?
3 Steps to Enlightment
Give your day power by following these three easy steps. If you journal write your answers in your journal to give them even more beautiful positive energy. (Not sure how to journal? Listen to my recording on how to begin this insightful journey. It's a game changer!)
Implement these exercise into your daily routine for 7 Days. Then let me know what shifts took place in your life.
1. Begin each day with Gratitude. Thank your angel team for all the goodness in your life. Big, small, and everything in between.
2. Set your intentions on how you want your day to be. What is it you are hoping for. What kind of turnout would you like your day to look like?
3. How do you want to feel? Right now at this moment, how do you want to feel? As your day progresses how do you want to feel? As your day is coming to a close, how do you want to feel?
When we plan our day in our mind ahead of time in a positive way we can actually have a better outcome. We set the standards for the best results thus creating a miracle mindset to guide us along the way.
The universe hears your calling and she is answering.
Let me know how you made out with this exercise! I love hearing from you. firstname.lastname@example.org
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